Monday, December 31, 2007

walt: a retrospective

Since I've been going through my closet, I've come across many trinkets from my youth. The most entertaining to find again are, of course, the books we put together in class with our various crafts. When I read this I thought it was too funny not to share:

Dear Santa,
I wish my friends were aliends. I wish Grant and I could be robbots. I wish I was stronger than Hulk Hogan. I wish I was strong enough to jump over the Empire State Building.
Your Pal, Walt

Apparently we were supposed to write down our Christmas wishes? The large card its written in is shaped like a reindeer's head...

Friday, December 28, 2007

i think i know who some makeup artist admires

I just wonder if he's noticed.

Photobucket

On the left, Eddie Izzard; on the right, Susan Sarandon in Enchanted.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

it will be too late by the time we learn what these cryptic symbols mean

I saw No Country for Old Men today. If you want a movie that watches like a book, this is your movie. I liked it, and the more I think about it the more I like it. The Coens do some brilliant stuff that I realized only after I had thought about it for a little while. It's not nearly as action-y as the trailer would suggest, and it's not as bloody as some reviews I've read paint it (though there is blood), but there are some good action scenes. So yeah. I'd definitely see it again.

In other news, I'm once again redoing the website to make it less of a pain to update (which, in theory, means I'll be updating it more often. Because I haven't. Because it's a pain. Stupid host not supporting php.) and that should be done in the next couple of days.

Finally, did I ever send any of you a snippet of a story wherein I describe the change from summer to autumn in about half of a page? I thought I typed and saved it, but I can't find it and I can't seem to rewrite it. This would be at least a month ago. I know I'm reaching.

Christmas break! Woo!

Monday, December 10, 2007

oh god i should be writing my poetry paper what am i doing

A bit of backstory:
There is a customer who comes in every day with thirty books. He buys books nearly every day, too, though he never goes over his credit amount. He is very old and has some sort of skin condition. He is the reason Kathy bought hand sanitizer. He is also completely oblivious to any cold he might have, allowing his nose to drip more or less as it desires.

We join our tale, already in progress...

There I stood, horrified, my stomach churning before it really needed to, yet transfixed by the drop wavering precariously from the end of his nose. I wanted to hold a Kleenex out, but didn't want him to move too quickly and risk the drop flinging off toward me. It was like a sports movie or an action movie where something is on the very edge of something, ready to fall one way or the other, and everyone is staring at it, willing it to fall the way they want it to.
I just wanted a tissue or his hand or a sleeve to intervene. I wanted a miracle.

But it fell, slowly, dream-like, to the counter. I drew upon every reserve of self-control so as not to visibly shudder. After he had left --still oblivious!-- I wiped it up with a big paper towel and slathered my hands with santizer before running (like Steve Carrell in Little Miss Sunshine) to the bathroom to wash with the hottest water in the whole world.

ewewewewewewewew

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

warning! poetry! warning!

I'm pretty much on my way to poetry class right now, but I feel like the ol' blog needs an updating. So here are a couple of poems (without the changes suggested by the teacher and class) that were particularly well recieved.

Where the Creek is Shallow

Earlier he had listened to the gravel under his feet;
His dog’s excited, haggard breathing,
Her ears alert, listening too, for everything:
That far away creek,
And the slowly shedding leaves,
Some branch breaking and tumbling down its tree.
And they began, then, toward the copse, that old gate,
That old stump, a fallen tree--
Its roots torn from the ground and spread
Like fingers are spread from a desperate hand.

Later he will go back home, out of breath and shaking,
With his dog, oblivious, proudly trotting behind him,
And turn the sink on hot, plunge his hands in
And use the soap, wring his hands, and stand there washing.
When he was a boy he went fishing in that creek
And noticed each season’s changing leaves.
But in his kitchen he will notice the flesh of his palm,
The hair on his knuckles, all his fingers there and
Working. A blessed thing that Sunday morning.

Still. His dog laps at his hand and he lets her,
Her nose wet, her haunches wet from the spray against the stone.
Yet he would not stop staring at the body drifting in its tomb;
How, like reeds, the slow flow of the stream undulated its fingers;
And there, like a boat finding shore, some fallen autumn leaf
Did strike against and sail along the useless line of its wasted cheek.
A thought crosses uninvited then, against his numbing feeling:
That if the water were just deeper, the body would float away,
And he could look, away, at it-- not dead, but sleeping.
Not floating, but swimming.

My Own Rolled to my Elbows

I have three hours before
She gets back from class
And I’ve spent most of it
Finding this spot.
My bike is leaning against
The tree I climbed earlier;
My hat is just above my eyes;
I know there are clouds
And sea spray beyond that hill.
I know how her sweater will feel
And I wait.

It is not too much longer
Nor too cold.
The taste of apple is sticky
On my lips.

And that's it. I also wrote a villanelle, but I'm not sure how I feel about it, no matter what my classmates said.

Monday, November 12, 2007

this was probably a bad idea

I had quite an adventure last night, let me tell you. I had just finished closing and, being hungry, began to drive to Safeway. Before I go any further, I've got to give you the lay of the land: The bookstore is in the middlish of a largish shopping center, with a main road as the crow flies from the front door and a considerably less main road to your right as you face the main road. So I don't have to deal with traffic, I usually take the less main road when I go to Safeway, and just drive in the back way. The less main road stops at the end of the back of the shopping center, where it meets what is, for all intents and purposes, a residential street. There are no stop signs on any of the three meeting points, so you've got to be careful when you turn.
Now, I pulled up to the residental street and saw there was a car coming to my left (the way to turn to get to Safeway), and I waited. Once that one passed, I saw another one coming to my right, but since it was at least a blockish ways away, I turned left.
No sooner had I turned left that the car zoomed up and almost hit my tail. The driver, irate for whatever reason, turned his brights way way up and continued to tailgate me like a bastard. I considered stopping, but decided that damage to my car was not something I wanted. Besides, I thought, it's only a short distance to Safeway, he'll continue on this road to the main road up ahead.
No such luck. When I turned onto the back drive to the parking lot, he followed. I hoped he was just going to the store, but to be on the safe side I pulled all the way to the third row of parking spots instead of the first. I parked. He was still in front of the store, his lights on, his car on. I was not about to walk in front of him. Then he swerved into a parking spot, got out, and slammed his door closed.
I am not familar enough with Mr Gandolfini's performances in The Sopranos to make any real comparisons, but if he grew a goatee, he'd probably look something like the man who was glaring menacingly in my direction.
I got out of the car with my bag (containing the chicken I had intended to return [2 weeks past expiration though I bought it that morning]), reasoning that I could run inside or at least escape into the night with my car unharmed.
"Learn to drive, asshole," he shouted helpfully.
"The speed limit's 25 on that street," I pointed out at equal volume.
"Hey, fuck you," he replied.
"Oh, fuck off," I countered, not to be outdone.
We exchanged more pleasantries in this vein, and I began to make my way to the store. I watched him carefully because although he hadn't come any closer, he was clearly still very very angry with me. He was also following me into the store, but through the doors closest to him. Once inside, I walked quickly to the customer service desk with my chicken and got a refund.
When I went back outside later, visions of my wrecked car floating before me, everything was fine. None of my tires were slashed, nothing was in the exhaust pipe, no windows were broken. He was gone.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

my submission is in the running!

My Threadless.com Submission

Please vote for it! (A high score would be nice too)

EDIT: As you may notice from that handy little banner, the voting period is over. Now we wait and see if it gets chosen to be printed. I didn't get quite as many votes as I was hoping to (slightly more than 2,000) but I think it was still a good show. I'm not sure when they'll say what the score was, probably in the next couple of days, but I'll let you know when they do.

Thanks for voting!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

haHA

For any of you who remember my brush with fame, the movie I was in came out on DVD recently. I didn't watch it, but my dad did and he assures me it was horrible. I watched only the scene I was an extra in. My dad was not in it, though he was at the filming.
HOWEVER. 28 minutes in, I AM. I apologize for the poor picture quality.
Click the picture for a larger view!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I'm apparently doing my best old man impression. But I'm in it! Now I can say that I shared the screen with Jessica Biel on my resume.

Awesome.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

input, please

I was wondering what you thought about the (probably?) final design for my Threadless shirt. Specifically, the astrerisks. Were they better how they were before? Etc.
Also, my S button seem to not work conitantly. Thi i going to be a problem when I write my paper later today.

EDIT: My original version is not a high enough resolution. Frick. I'm going to have to redo it before I submit it. Frick.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

You know when you need a new laptop battery...

...when the maximum charge is 20 minutes.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Ten Songs of the 90s (why yes, I'm a Creative Writing major, why do you ask?)

(Note: This list was complied mostly after making a smart playlist of 90s songs, but includes others that I only remember hearing in that decade.)

In response to Claire's blog (and comment on my own), here is my list of 90s songs in no particular order. The titles are linked to youtube videos (if I could find them). Please remember that I spent just about half of the 90s in Saudi and so have very little idea of what the Youth Culture was at that time...

1. Undone (the Sweater Song) Weezer: This is the first song of theirs I heard about. I didn't actually hear it for a while, but I remember riding in the back of a van and my friends laughing and singing it.
2. Hello Operator The White Stripes: The video is from an old old performance, some of the lyrics are different. Elephant was the first actual CD I bought, and I liked it, but when I bought De Stijl and heard this song (the second on the album) I was sold on the whole red, white, and black thing.
3. Real World Matchbox Twenty: You'll recall that earlier I confessed to liking Matchbox Twenty, well, this was probably my favorite song from Yourself or Someone like You. Yes, I still sing it whenever it comes up on shuffle and on the radio. Damn straight.
4. Chop Suey System of a Down: So it turned out I lied. This was probably the first album I bought, I had forgotten. And I know that it came out in 2001, but I did hear their first album until after this one and I didn't like it as much. Erik Davis introduced me to System, and I still like this song, so here it is.
5. Stranger than Fiction Bad Religion: In middle school and high school I hung out with Chris Suter, who loved Bad Religion almost as much as he loved mountain biking. He burned me a bunch of CDs, of which this was one of them. The CD that this is on was my only Bad Religion CD, and I listend to it over and over in my ancient "portable" CD player that I had to keep perfectly level to prevent it from skipping.
6. Californication Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm cheating again. This came out in 2000, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers have been around forever. I first remember seeing/hearing this song while staying at my uncle's house after we had watched monster movies. It was very late and I was very tired and this song came on MTV and I thought it was the greatest thing ever.
7. Amish Paradise Weird Al: I first became aware of Weird Al when this album came out. I still think he's awesome and the concert was one of the best I've been to, although I don't own any of his CDs.
8. One Jump Ahead Aladdin: This was my favorite song from the movie soundtrack. I'm pretty sure I used to act it out. This is not as embarrassing as...
9. Bad Michael Jackson: I know, it came out in 1987. But the number of days I danced around to this album in my youth should make up for it. And since I have a song from two years out of the 90s, with this song three years before them, it comes out as a decent average. I like to think that my dancing to MJ amounts to more than a full-body dry heave.
10. Frank Sinatra Cake: This is not the first Cake song I ever heard. That would be The Distance, which I heard in the back seat of Erik Davis' girlfriend's car, driving to some restraunt with all the windows down, Erik shouting about how awesome it is and for her to turn it up. I really like this song though.

Well, that's the list. I hope you approve enough not to ostracise me forever and remember that if you make some 90s cultural refrence and I stare back blankly it's probably because I missed huge gobs of the 90s. And because I haven't seen that episode of I Love the 90s yet.

EDIT: While looking at Claire's list, I was reminded of one thing that I would be remiss to leave off of mine: This awesomeness.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

on headphones and...no, i don't have any american lit writing to do, why do you ask?

I learned a lesson this morning, after I put my headphones on and heard music exclusively through the left earbud: Don't skimp on headphones.
This all came up about three weeks ago when my ancient iPod headphones finally gave up the ghost. The wire was fraying down at the jack and the sound wasn't all that it used to be and it only played music out of one earbud, but I thought that they could stick it out a little longer until the day I put them on and no music came out. So that afternoon I went to the local RadioShack (it being right next to work and all) to buy new ones.
I bought the cheapest ones. Because, I figured, what was the difference, really? When I used them the next day, I found out. They wouldn't stay in my ears! In order to use them I had to stay perfectly still and if I wanted to listen to music while walking I had to keep my head perfectly level and stationary, like some strange combination of Eliza Doolittle and Dr. Alan Grant. If I wasn't completely still and did something stupid like turning my head or yawning pop! out would come one (or both!) of the earbuds. Oh, I wanted to tear the headphones apart. I came this close to throwing them into the wild blue yonder on several occasions.

And now they're dead. I'm not going to wait until they stop working completely to get new headphones. I'm going to bury these bastards and buy new ones. And you had better believe that they'll be expensive.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

no, i'm not putting off reading. why would you even suggest that?

I have a confession to make. Now, before I tell you, I'd like to say that I hope it doesn't make you think any less of me or any differently. That's right: I like Matchbox 20.

It probably first started in freshman year when Marc gave me a bunch of CDs he had found and didn't like. Most of them were of bands I didn't like or were so messed up they wouldn't work. A lot of them didn't have cases. However, there was one I was intrigued by; its case was cracked, but still good and the CD wasn't too scratched. That CD was Yourself Or Someone Like You.

I'm admitting this because the other day I was in my car, listening to the radio and this song started. I thought "This sounds familar" and "I really like this." It wasn't until the song was almost over that I realized it was the new Matchbox 20 song. Maybe I felt that I had to get this secret off my chest because I hope that, in some deep and shameful place, I would totally like to go to a Matchbox 20 concert. It's possible, they have a new CD out. But if I do, I hope that I won't have to make up a different concert to say I went to. I hope that you can understand.

I hope we can still be friends.

If I can quote Matchbox 20, "I know it's wrong, that's the problem." Thank you.

Friday, September 14, 2007

stuff!

Hey, some stuff's been going on!

Check out my Threadless submission HERE!

Check out my thoughts on the completely awesome Weird Al concert tomorrow! Probably!

My website has been updated, kind of! The news page!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

paging teddy kaufman, please dial zero

I'm in Las Vegas. It's a different part of the airport than I usually fly into; which is nice, for a change. I've had dinner, after waiting FOREVER for the girl at the front of the line to (a) decide what she wanted and (b) find her ID, and am now sitting behind a column at the crossroads of Burger King, Sbarro, and Carvel. I can see my gate from where I'm sitting (I scored a totally excellent "A" grouping for my boarding pass), my plane is supposed to be on time, and I'm listening to "Store" by the Mountain Goats (thanks, Mary!).

It's actually going pretty well.

In another two hours, give or take, I'll be in Tucson. We will have to hang out, though I doubt we will tonight. But at some point before I go back up north. I don't have much to say right now, and it probably woudn't be a bad idea to go to my gate, at which the plane boards in about ...20 minutes. People seem to line up quickly.

See you soon!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

WARNING: this blog may contain spoilers. but i have not written it yet, so i don't really know.

I know it's been quite a while since I updated the ol' blog, so I've thought of some stuff to write, handily, in a little list format:

-The New Harry Potter Book: As good as you hoped it would be? Or not?
-Oh Man, Do I Hate Perspective: Why Brian the Zombie will now be set in a windowless room.
-Flying to Tucson: I am looking forward to it.

HERE BE SPOILERS (MAYBE? I'LL TRY NOT TO BE TOO SPECIFIC, BUT I PROBABLY WOULD BE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION IF SOMEONE WAS TO COMMENT)!
I liked the last book, overall. I did have a few qualms with it, mostly with the Hallows part (which really should have been longer or at least more developed) and with how many characters she killed/the need(?) and time given to their deaths. When Sirius died in Order of the Phoenixxx, it made me really sad to say the least; because here was a character that I had grown to know and when he died I felt the emotional impact on Harry. I cried when Dumbledore died, too. But for the most part, when she was busy killing the characters that she did, I didn't feel too bad about it. (Except when a certain tennis-ball-eyed fellow was killed in one of the most cliched ways in all of books and movies. [See: The Matrix Revolutions or any other thing where you think someone is okay until PSYCH! they're dead.]) I completely missed that a certain Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and his wife died until Harry's March to Certain Doom. I thought that killing Hedwig was just so she didn't have to worry about what to do with her. And the ears-free-of-being-shorn-twin was more or less pointless. But the lamest thing was that we barely have time to register what has happened to these characters before she's on to her next thing. I'd bet that her publisher was breathing down her neck to finish it and these problems would have been addressed had she been given time to go back and fix them. I was disappointed by Snape's death, how anti-climatic.
I know it sounds like I didn't really like it, but I did. It was as good a way to end the series as I could have asked for and she answered all of the questions I had.
END SPOILERS!

I hate perspective, and that's pretty much all I have to say about it. You'll see what I mean tomorrow.

I'm also looking forward to flying down to Tucson, and I hope I won't be too delayed. We'll have to hang out at some point, it's been forever.

Monday, July 02, 2007

i hope your workplace still has air conditioning because mine sure doesn't

Hey, guess what. That's right. My website is more or less up and running. I've still got a couple of links to fix, but it's usable.

Let me know what you think or if you have any problems.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

this is the sort of day i had at work:

A little set up: this guy came in to give us ten thousand books. I told him, calmly, mind you, that we don't do that and if he wants to do that, there's a Goodwill drop off behind the grocery store.

Angry Customer: I thought I'd do you a favor!

Me: Well, you can do Goodwill a favor.

Wow, yeah, so that was fun.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

and the (hopefully) conclusion

Apparently Kevin, Troy, and Travis Wilkinson are involved in a legal dispute with Ford Motor Co. and so Ford garnished what they probably thought was the above's bank account on Friday. But, as the previous post made clear was that it was my bank account.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I have my money back and the attorneys in the Wilkinson v. Ford case are being contacted.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

the good news first and then horrible awful very bad news: or stupid ford motor company, those bastards

Good news first. I bought my tickets for this summer, and will be down in Tucson from August 8th to the 21st. I suggest we hang out at least a couple of times? Also, I did indeed start a Marion/John Wayne in an airport story. It'll probably be not gloomy at the very least, but I'm shooting for funny and happy. So there's that.

Bad news now. After I bought my tickets yesterday, I checked my bank accounts to see what sort of damage they dealt and to my great surprise I saw: Nothing. Well, not exactly "nothing." I did see "-235.60" which is, I suppose, an absence of nothing. But nothing in my savings and the above in my checking.
Which was, clearly, EXACTLY what I was expecting.
Two calls to Wells Fargo later and I've got to contact the Wells Fargo Legal Department on Monday. Because all of my money has gone to Ford Motor Company. Ford. Motor. Company. I don't know how. I certainly don't know why. Maybe they're vindictive that I drive a Camry? Apparently, and I'm not positive that this is what the lady said due to my head spinning, Ford has a hold on my money in a litigation or something or other (which is why I have to contact the legal department).

So I had a very fun day yesterday and I have to open the store in 20 minutes, so today is really looking up.

I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

i am most certainly NOT blogging from work, thank you very much

This is why the Mountain Goats are awesome times ten.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

finally flickr fupdate!

My flickr is finally updated. I'd have put the pictures in a set, but flickr won't let me. I let my pro account die, so if you can't see the pictures because my bandwith is used, I'll renew it.

It's how I roll. Enjoy!

what strange machines we are/ what strange machines we are (3x)

Since it's been so long since I've updated the ol' blog, I figured that, hey, since I have a couple of hours to kill, I'd let all two (or three?) of you know why:
1. Pretty much nothing has been going on. Things at the store are actually not too bad, financially; we were very worried how the construction out front would impact business and it doesn't seem to have too much. We've even had some really good days, and if those keep up enough to get someone to buy the store in the next six months, I'll still have a job.
2. I've been working on this year's Elsie Hooper Art Contest. It's been fairly slow going because I'm working on a larger scale than I usually do (instead of the middle of an 8" x 10", I'm using the whole of an 11" x 16"), and it's turning out fairly well, but I still need to find a larger scanner than I usually use when I'm done. Also, the other entrants won't be able to possibly cheat this year because he has actual judges for the finalists. Which is good.
3. I'm working on another story off and on. This one takes place in an airport, which, aside from being something I've wanted to do for a while*, has a very low likelihood that there will be interspecies erotica.

That's more or less it. Flickr update tonight or tomorrow morning, depending on my speed in getting the yet-to-be-taken pictures uploaded.

I'm pretty sure that I called some previous entry the Most Boring Entry Ever. I'm also pretty sure this one beats it.

*Many of my story ideas have involved airports in one way or another. The Spokane Story originally began in an airport, years after the events of the story's current incarnation, and the characters were drastically different. But I've always (usually) enjoyed airports and would like to write several that take place in them. Just because.

Monday, April 09, 2007

in which i use numbers

So. Classes. Ahem.

1. Eastern Religion and Philosophy is taught by a guy who looks a tad like Steven Spielberg, but with considerably more bow-ties-per-shirt. He seems to know what he's talking about, although it's a bit difficult to tell over the roar of his mumbling. However, I do have that class with Biz and Alexis and so the chances of making through the class are high.
2. Brit Lit 2: The Sequel is taught by a woman whose previous job was being Velma Dinkley and teaching kindergarten. I loathe the class with almost, but not quite, every fiber of my being. Alexis is in that class with me, too, but because it's still illegal to throw up your hands and then leave some sort of backhand smack as a parting gift, I may not survive.
3. Stress and Coping is taught by Andy Richter. A taller and thinner version of him, but still. I have no friends in that class, but the teacher seems fine. As far as psych teachers go.

The chances that I will turn to drink: Slim.

You know what I hate more than customers? Regular customers. With their giant boxes of books. And their relentless demands and questions and complaining about prices. You know, this was far more witty when I thought of it yesterday, and it's not really working now, so I'll jump that ship while I can.

The chances that I will punch someone when they drop a giant box of books on the counter: High.

The chances that this post will continue on to the Special Guest Topic: Low, because I didn't end up seeing Grindhouse tonight. Alas.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

khaaaaaaaaaaaan

This was going to be a post, keeping with my theme of essential kernels of knowlege, pretty much as an excuse to link to the short video of Jack White recording a song for the new White Stripes album but is now about how Blogger is a bully.
I clicked on the Old Blogger button, but it kept taking me to the Make Google Account section, and when I tried No, Seriously, I Want The Old Blogger option, it took me to the Ha, You Cannot Access Your Account Unless You Sign Up With Google screen. So here I am, with New Blogger. I feel like the big kid at school made me give him my lunch money, but let me think I had choices.

Jerks.
In retaliation, I'm going to keep using Blogger, just to show them.

And here's the link I was talking about.

And the new Bright Eyes video, because I keep listening to the song over and over.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

because i don't actually have anything original to say...

...here's that excerpt I talked about before, from World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War; this is told by a guy who made movies to boost the country's morale. Although the film, Avalon: The Battle of the Five Colleges, bombed initially, it was found to lower ADS (Asymptomatic Demise Syndrome, or Apocalyptic Despair Syndrome) and he made several other movies before the war was over. It's a very good book, I really liked it. So here you go:

"Just outside of Greater Los Angeles, in a town called Claremont, are five colleges --Pomona, Pitzer, Scripps, Harvey Mudd, and Claremont Mckenna. At the start of the Great Panic, when everyone else was running, literally, for the hills, three hundred students chose to make a stand. The turned the Women's College at Scripps into something resembling a medieval city. They got their supplies from the other campuses; their weapons were a mix of landscaping tools and ROTC practice rifles. They planted gardens, dug wells, fortified an already existing wall. While the mountains burned behind them, and the surrounding suburbs descended into violence, those three hundred kids held off ten thousand zombies! Ten thousand, over the course of four months, until the Inland Empire could finally be pacified. We were lucky to get there just at the tail end, just in time to see the last of the undead fall, as cheering students and soldiers linked up under the oversized, homemade Old Glory fluttering from the Pomona bell tower."

Sorry, Mary, they didn't have anything about Stanford.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

color me EXCEEDINGLY DISAPPOINTED

The Mountain Goats Show (Is All Sold Out)

Am E Am E Am C G C

Since I found out, last October, that you'd be in my state
I counted the days until the show, I couldn't wait
But it was all in vain
That's been made all too plain
I spent fifteen minutes on hold listening to muzak
And though it got old I somehow still stuck with it
Casting my mind back to the morning
When tickets went on sale without warning

I was unprepared, I admit that now
Why should I have known a date and time?
How should I have known you'd get sold out?
If I could have found a payphone maybe I'd sing a different tune
But there're no payphones from here to Singapore
No one carries change for them anymore
I found a booth buried in the snow on the lawn
Little did I know that the phone was gone

A voice came on and I told her tickets were my want
And oh! I found that all my hope was all for naught
From the desperate waiting list I hope to hear
And make note for better planning, for a cell phone, next year
When the throngs sing No Children I won't be among their number
Though I thought I would, I was sure I would, last October

there's a monkey in the basement. how'd the monkey get there? how'd the monkey get there?

Because it's been a while since I've last posted, I figured it'd be just about time to blow my own horn. Although there's really no saying the horn will be blown, because anyone and everyone who wants can enter and everyone and anyone who enters has exactly the same chance of winning.
You're probably thinking: where's the link? Or explaination?

Right here.

So, yeah.
Actual update later? I've got something from a book I want to share, but the book is at work?

NOTE: Mine is (currently) the top left one. And today's entry title is taken from The Monkey Song by The Mountain Goats. Jus' so's you know.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

this is going to be short, because it is late. and i am tired.

AT THE BRAINSTORMING MEETING FOR BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE:

Executive One: Have you seen that Underworld movie? We should do something like that.
Executive Two: We produced it, and I totally agree with you. Let's do it.
Executive One: Well, we've done vampires and werewolves. Vampires are always popular.
Executive Two: I like werewolves more.

THEY SLAP AT EACH OTHER FOR A MOMENT.

Executive Two (panting): I win! I win!
Executive One (also panting): N-uh! I win!
Executive Two: We could just use the same plot as Underworld.
Executive One: Brilliant! And how much should we budget for the werewolf transformation effects?
Executive Two: Nothing! We'll save millions by just using trained wolves and colored contacts!

THEY HIGH-FIVE. AND MISS HORRIBLY, SENDING AT LEAST ONE HURTLING THROUGH THE WINDOW. (It doesn't matter which. And what's with that title? It's gawdawful.)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

sounds about right...

In an effort to liven things up, here's my current list of ten (actually 12 because I couldn't just choose one Okkervil River to end it with) songs to take to a desert island in no particular order.

The Fall Peter and the Wolf
Tonight Sibylle Baier
Grendel's Mother The Mountain Goats
If You See Light The Mountain Goats
I Wish That I Could See You Soon Herman Dune
Strange Machines Peter and the Wolf
Fake Palindromes Andrew Bird
Whistle of a Distant Train Ed Harcourt
The Vice and Virtue Ministry Happy Bullets
Song of Our So-Called Friends Okkervil River
The Velocity of Saul at the Time of His Conversion Okkervil River
The War Criminal Rises and Speaks Okkervil River

What are yours?